Build Self Esteem and Conquer Negative Traits
Devorah, 36, Married with Four Children
When Devorah was a young girl, she lost her mother to cancer. She grew up with her father and step-mother. The loss of her mother was a tremendous trauma for her and twisted her entire world view. She felt that she was a second-rate person. She was very lonely.
Devorah is a very talented person and a quick learner. Still, she thought of herself as person with no professional future. She is also very attractive but thought that any “normal” person would not marry her, etc. In reality, she completed college, has a profession and a job, is married and has four children.
However, she always felt deprived, not worthy and depressed. She had a hard time concentrating at work because of these issues as well as many conflicts with her husband and children.
Jewish Spiritual Therapy first concentrated on giving Devorah emotional resources. Some sessions were done with her husband to show her how he could be a source of support for her. Devorah also attended group sessions. Finally, Devorah was able to internalize that her self-worth was innate, that she is as unique as anyone else and has great potential.
After this, she experienced enormous changes at work and in her relationships. Her friends noticed and were impressed by her change and asked her how she was able to accomplish it. She started to teach them how to do spiritual inner work and was able to help them also change for the better.
Devorah is now considering training to be a professional therapist!
Rachel, 20, Single
Rachel’s perfectionism and lack of parental guidelines brought her to anorexia as a young teenager. She later also developed bulimia, which totally broke whatever self-confidence she had left. At this point, Rachel began to feel that she didn’t deserve respect from others or, in fact, anything good in life.
After every bout of bulimia, Rachel designed various ways to punish herself. She decided that G-d had turned away from her, and that she didn’t deserve to keep the commandments. So, she went to America and became a street person. There she became involved in indiscriminate sexual practices (again, because she felt that this was what she deserved). Rachel then attempted suicide a couple of times, which even further broke her physical and emotional health. Finally, without the means of living on her own anymore, Rachel returned home. Rachel’s mother brought her to a Jewish Spiritual Therapist.
During the first session, Rachel was very depressed and pessimistic about being able to change the course of her life. Because of this, our therapist focused Rachel on her inner resources, specifically being able to feel harmony as a result of feeling the presence of G-d. To Rachel’s surprise, she got this feeling very quickly during the first session. In later sessions, she was able to integrate this feeling on a much higher level.
Once her inner resources were established, therapy concentrated on the conscious and subconscious origins of the problem that created her state in the first place. After a number of months of therapy, Rachel’s condition improved significantly. Remission times between attacks of anorexia/bulimia increased greatly and her depression lifted.
Rachel then found a job in telemarketing, fundraising for charity organizations. Among 37 employees, Rachel raised the most amount of money for the organization. She was then asked to teach her skills to the new employees.
Rachel has now rented her own apartment and has a number of friends. Her psychiatrist and social worker are very pleased with her progress. Because she believes that her success was due to an improvement in her inner, spiritual world, she decided to take a professional course to learn to methods of Jewish Spiritual Therapy, so that she could teach it to others. Her work continues.
Daniel was a very easily wounded young man who was always picked on and harassed in school, partly because he was overweight. Daniel was an outsider with no friends and no interests. He was depressed and suffered from loneliness. His only “happiness” in life was junk food.
During therapy, Daniel remembered that when he was younger, he dreamed about playing the guitar and about painting and drawing. Yet Daniel only dreamed about doing these things. He was afraid to start anything, because he was afraid of failure. He told our therapist that he was worthless because he was fat.
Because of these feelings, Daniel’s therapist first focused Daniel on feeling that his essence was Divine, that his soul is “part of” the Absolute and Harmonious Creator, and that none of his exterior attributes can diminish the worth of the soul.
Daniel began to take guitar and drawing lessons — and was very successful at both! Daniel also started a diet and lost 11 kilos (22 pounds) and now has a normal weight for his height.
Leah, 27, Single
Leah had just finished taking her law exams for the fourth time when she came to a Jewish Spiritual Therapist crying and broken, afraid that she had failed again. Leah knew that these exams are designed for most applicants to fail, a fact openly publicize. The exam consists of pages and pages of fine print to memorize, a near impossible task for a new immigrant like Leah.
Leah said to her therapist, “Another failure and I will break down completely.” She was due to find out the results the day after her first session. Most of her group had already found out that they had failed. Leah was afraid that if she failed that her depression would sabotage her relationship with her boyfriend who wanted to marry her.
After one session, Leah came to realize that her self-worth is not dependent on her career as a lawyer. She felt calm — even happy — and ready to accept whatever the outcome would be without going into an emotional crisis. Leah’s second session was three days later, two days after she found out that she had failed the exams by a small percentage. She was able to maintain calm. After her second session, she felt even better and agreed not to devote all her time only to studying for the exams but to relax and proceed with her life. She also decided to explore other career options if becoming a lawyer wasn’t possible.
David, 45, Married with Children
David came to a Jewish Spiritual Therapist with what he described as a problem with anger. When asked to describe how his “anger” manifested, David told the following story:
“We were praying in the synagogue. One man there was completely drunk. He was praying the silent prayer in a loud, drunk voice and disturbing everyone. After witnessing much more inappropriate behavior, when the services were over, I came up to him and mentioned that people don’t behave like that in a synagogue. The man started fighting with me and had to be retrained by others.
“Meanwhile, I left, went to my car and started it. At which point, the drunk man came out of nowhere with a stick and broke the front window of my car!”
David then reported, “I drove backwards and could have just gotten away from him, but I had so much anger that I moved forward and hit him, damaging his legs. Of course, everyone claimed that I acted in self-defense, and I got off clean from the police investigation. But, I know that at that moment, I wanted to kill him.”
When our therapist remarked that most people would have felt the same way in this situation, David was surprised. From this story and others, our therapist realized that David’s primary problem was not anger, but rather perfectionism. David’s anger was at himself because he was not “perfect.” Moreover, David subconsciously put himself where his fear of failure – which drove his perfectionism – could constantly tell him, “See, you are not perfect, you are a failure.” David’s anger at himself subconsciously fueled his involvement in many situations where it would be impossible to succeed. As a result, David became easily angered. His subconscious message was, “See, you can’t control your anger, you are a failure.”
With therapy, David became aware of how this subconscious mechanism worked. His therapy first concentrated on David’s self-worth, which made him calm down and relax. He realized there was no need to become angry to prove to himself that he was not a worthy person. He was then able to drop the anger from his life.
Sharon, 47, Divorced
Sharon came to a Jewish Spiritual Therapist and reported that for most of her life, she had had problems with her respiratory tract, which manifested in a cough. Our therapist regressed Sharon to the period, when she was very young. It turned out that when Sharon was very young, she enjoyed spending time with her grandmother who spoiled her. Sharon loved staying with home with her grandmother, but to do this, she had to pretend to be sick. Hence, she faked a cough. When Sharon was six years old, her grandmother passed away. To compensate for her absence, little Sharon took recourse to coughing as a means of solving her problems (to get attention, etc.).
After two sessions, Sharon’s cough stopped completely. In the eight months that have passed since that time, it has not returned. (Previously, when Sharon treated it with traditional medicine, the cough would come back in two to three weeks time.)
Overcome Difficult Life Situations and Past Traumas
Iris, 46, Married
Iris’s only son – a successful IDF (Israeli Defense Force) officer and a leading Israeli athletic champion – committed suicide for no obvious reason. He was always a very talented boy: at age 16, he had already passed the tests to enter a prestigious university. Ten years ago, Iris herself was diagnosed with cancer of her ovarian tubes. She had a successful operation to remove the cancer, but it left her unable to have anymore children.
Iris came to our Jewish Spiritual Therapist in a deep depression. She wanted to leave Israel, because she couldn’t bear to look at the soldiers. Our therapist first needed to find the most dominant negative emotion in Iris. On the one hand, she was constantly crying because she missed her son, and on the other hand, she was saying that she would never forgive him. She felt betrayed because he should have come to her for help, and he didn’t.
Iris was very upset with the Creator, since he felt that if He allowed the death of her son, this meant He didn’t love her. However, after two sessions, Iris was able to feel that G-d loves her and cares about her. These feelings proved to be the turning point for Iris. She was then able to let go of the belief that there is no purpose left in life. She began to learn how to extricate herself from her tragedy, so that it wouldn’t color everything else in her life.
Iris now reports that she feels much calmer, more in control of her bouts of crying, and that her appetite has returned. She continued to work with our therapist.
Susan, 36, Divorced with Six Children
Susan’s husband is in jail, because he committed incest with their oldest daughter (starting from the age of 6). Susan did not realize this was happening for a long time. While they were married, Susan’s husband put a lot of restrictions on her, saying the purpose of a woman was to sit at home, give birth to children and serve her husband.
Susan came to our therapist after her husband had been in jail for one year. She looked much older than her age and did not have physical or emotional strength. She was not capable of making a living and existed on charity.
We first focused Susan on her inner resources and talents, which revealed strong character traits. She was then taught the ability to forgive and to be goal-oriented.
Intermediate results of 8 months of therapy were the increasing of her poetic and musical talents that she had not properly respected or given attention to previously. Susan now writes songs and gives concerts. She has set up a professional recording studio in her home from which she earns a living.
Another positive result of her therapy has been a more harmonious relationship with her children. When the atmosphere at home improved, Susan developed the emotional strength to help others. After one and half years of therapy, Susan said her slogan is: “I know that I am happy, and what I am going to do in the future.”
People who attend Susan’s concerts report that Susan exerts such powerful inner light and harmony that people themselves are moved to attain this same emotional state. Through telling her story, Susan gives a lot of people hope that there are no hopeless situations.
Julia, 47, Married with Two Children
Julie worked for many years as a computer programmer. Although she was very well respected at work, she was always worried that she would lose her job. A number of years ago, she lost 90 percent of the hearing in her right ear. The doctor’s diagnosis was atrophy of the auditory nerve for which there is no treatment. Julie was told she was lucky that she could hear in her other ear.
Julie joined one of the Institute of Jewish Spiritual Therapy’s groups where she learned about our techniques. Julie then requested a private session. We found a very large muscle spasm in the temporal region of her head. This muscle spasm, in turn, was caused by a very strong emotion that dated back to age four. We found that at this age, Julie was in kindergarten. On her right side sat a little girl who was very nasty to Julie and criticized everything Julie did. Julie reacted to this criticism by pressing her right ear to her shoulder, giving the suggestion to her subconscious: “Don’t hear!” Julie saw that this strategy was an effective defense against this little girl.
Julie was very surprised to learn that this incident was the cause of her hearing problem today, as well as her fear of criticism as an adult. She was also surprised that she had “invented” such an effective strategy to counteract criticism. As a result of nine sessions of Jewish Spiritual Therapy, Julie’s hearing in her right ear has been restored 80-90 percent! At times she regresses for a couple of days, but afterwards, her hearing is restored.
Rob, 20, Single
Rob had been a drug addict since the age of 15. Rob’s parents worked very hard and for very long hours, leaving Rob by himself for long periods of time. On the street where they lived, kids would beat him up, insult him and put him down. He was pressured to steal from the corner store. In school, he didn’t do well. Drugs were a means of self-assurance and respect among the drop-out teenager crowd he hung around with. Rob’s parents tried to help him many times by sending him to special clinics for drug addicts. But each time, he would come back from the clinics and start all over again. In the beginning of therapy, our therapist discovered that Rob was very hurt by his parents, whom he felt had abandoned him. He also felt that, at age 20, his life was over. However, when he was asked to feel the presence of the Creator and the fact that he was a unique soul, he was able to so. He stated that this was what he was missing his entire life.
After his first session, Rob was able to stay away from drugs for a few days. As his therapy progressed, he was able to stay clean longer and longer. At this writing, he has now not done drugs for six months. He took part in another rehabilitation program and now works as an artist four hours a day painting clay dishes and is also involved in sports. We are now working on improving his relationship with his parents.
Before her parents divorced, there was a terrible atmosphere in Aliza’s home. Her parents were constantly fighting. In addition, her father used Aliza to make his wife’s life miserable – he was cruel to Aliza, would make her cry and punish her unjustly. As a result, Aliza become very neurotic, couldn’t concentrate in school, had a hard time falling asleep at night and wet her bed.
During the first session, Aliza wouldn’t even make eye contact with our therapist. She sat in her mother’s arms and hid. Any touch triggered hysterical crying. Gradually, there was success in making contact with her. After one long conversation, she gathered enough courage to accept a chocolate and a toy from our therapist.
When asked about her problematic behavior, Aliza answered that she was afraid of a monster. Our therapist asked her to draw the monster. She proceeded to draw a mother and father, with a girl holding the parents’ hands. She then blotted out the father, turning him into a monster. When she was asked what happened to the father, she answered that he doesn’t exist. She then drew two more monsters. She and our therapist spoke to them and prevailed over them, blotted them out, then ripped up the paper on which they were drawn, burned some of it and flushed the rest down the toilet. Aliza then said, “They are all weak. I can beat all of them.”
They then proceeded to talk about God. Aliza felt light and warmth. The next time they worked with the monsters, they put the light and warmth of the Creator into them, and they turned into kind and soft toys. Aliza started sleeping better and playing more. She was more independent and calmer.
Before the therapy, Aliza didn’t want to go see her father, because it was too traumatic. Now, when she went to see her father, she was more calm and independent. Once, when her father had a fit of anger and was screaming at her mother, Aliza came to him, hugged his leg and said, “Daddy, don’t scream. God loves you, too. You are just scared like I was. Do what I did: Draw the monster, burn it, and it won’t scare you anymore!”
Because of behavioral problems, Jonathon was transferred from a regular school to a boarding school. His behavior became even worse, and his studies suffered as well. During the first session, our therapist paid attention to Jonathon’s strange attitude between the older and younger children in the school. It turned out that Jonathon was raped several times by a student from a higher class. Our therapist concentrated on helping Jonathon to look at and analyze his negative emotions: his feelings of guilt, his inferior complex, his low self-esteem and the feeling of hopelessness (vis-a-vis his situation).
Jonathon was very open to this new emotional approach. Our therapist and Jonathon worked together at changing these negative feelings and, at the same time, built Jonathon’s self-esteem. Our therapist directed Jonathon look at the world from the point of view of the existence of a Creator who directs the world. At the third meeting Jonathon reported that he was able to feel G-d was with him, and that he was not afraid of anybody. When he had a conflict with boys on the street, he did not aggravate it; rather, he walked away from it and made the incident into an “exercise” to feel the presence of G-d!
Jonathon told our therapist, “You cannot imagine how calm and well I felt, and how I forgave those boys.”
Jonathon’s family also reports that he has become calmer, less aggressive and learns mathematics many hours a day. In addition, his school’s psychiatrist and a social worker from a local hospital were very pleased with Jonathon’s state as a result of his Jewish Spiritual Therapy.
Evgeny, 19, A Soldier
Evgeny fell into a deep depression from mistreatment by his commanding officer who was prejudiced against Russians. Eventually, he became suicidal. One of things this officer made him do was clean the toilets at the base, which served a large number of soldiers.
Our therapist first relaxed Evgeny; he then helped him to see the situation differently. Our therapist did not speak of the commander; rather he concentrated on Evgeny’s attitude towards his work. Evgeny realized that even cleaning toilets is an act of kindness to his fellow soldiers (by keeping good hygiene at the base).
After only one session, Evgeny called our therapist to tell him that since the quality of the cleaning products at the base were too poor to do a good job, he had gone out, bought better products (at his own expense) and cleaned everything to maximum!
In addition, he decided to fix the toilets, which were in disrepair. At first, the army personnel did not understand him; then they agreed with this idea. Seeing Evgeny’s zeal to perform humiliating work without feeling humiliation, the commander instructed him to paint the dividing stripes at the base and sweep the territory. Evgeny did this with great pleasure, again seeing his work as helping others.
After a time, the commander decided to get rid of this strange soldier and transferred him to another unit near Jerusalem, 15 minutes from his home!
Joseph’s beloved grandfather, with whom he lived, perished in a terrorist attack. Joseph become extremely depressed, was embarrassed to go to school, locked himself in his room, did not eat and refused to discuss the problem with his parents. Our therapist came to his house, since Joseph would not go out.
The sessions were performed sitting on the floor. The talk first centered on the fact that the terrorist killed his grandfather only because he was a Jew and wanted to live in the land of Israel. Jewish tradition says that such a person is considered righteous.
This idea was a turning point in Joseph’s state. He came to life and began asking questions about his grandfather’s soul. He then went out of his room, agreed to eat and said that he knows his grandfather did not vanish since his soul remains (the same soul that prays for his grandson). Joseph was especially glad he was when he learned about the Jewish tradition of the resurrection of the dead in Messianic times.
Joseph began to pray and collects charity daily in memory of his grandfather. The sessions continued to take place once a month at Joseph’s request. During the sessions, our therapist concentrated on the emotions connected with the tragedy in the family.
Be Ready to Get Married
When Linda came to our Jewish Spiritual Therapist she lacked confidence in herself. In addition, and as a result of this, she was also very fearful. She came to our therapist many unsuccessful blind dates where she literally kept silent and couldn’t say even one word. During therapy, it soon came out that her father was very cruel to her and would frequently humiliate her. He constantly criticized her, telling her that she wasn’t attractive and nobody would marry her. Even though her father had passed away, Linda continued his negative program by herself.
Our therapist began his treatment using Gestalt therapy between Linda and her father. During this work, Linda realized that her father had treated her this way because he was unsatisfied, disappointed and frustrated in his own life. This made him very bitter. With this understanding, Linda was able to see the difference between her father’s criticism and her true features. Therapy continued for 12 sessions. Afterwards, she began dating. Linda became engaged and is now married!
Miriam, 23, Single
Miriam is an attractive young woman and has been looking to get married for the last four years. However, even when she found suitable men, she was afraid to make a decision. Miriam’s mother had been married many times unsuccessfully and Miriam was afraid of making the same mistake.
Our therapist focused Miriam on the fact that G-d loves her and wishes the best for her. After internalizing this concept, Miriam become much more peaceful, calmer and secure. In this state of mind, she was able to make decisions. Miriam became engaged to a very nice young man is now married!
Discover Why You Aren't Getting What You Want
Steven, 46, Married with Two Children
Steven was born into a family of doctors and so, there was no question about what Steven was going to do in life. He finished medical school with a specialization in dermatology. All of his adult life, Steven was prone to depression because he hated practicing medicine. However, for Steven to have chosen another profession would have been a betrayal of his family tradition.
After immigrating to Israel, Steven passed all the medical exams necessary to be a practicing doctor. However, he failed the exam in his specialization. This made him even more depressed, and he began to take tranquilizers. But even the drugs did not help his depression.
During therapy, our therapist found out that Steven had a hobby all his life: Wood carving. Even when he worked as a doctor, his patients noticed him doing something under his desk and asked him about it. Quietly, Steven had been carving small pieces of wood under his desk, both to keep his sanity and to not die from his boredom of practicing medicine. During five sessions of work involving self- and world evaluation, Steven realized that he could respect (and be respected by) his parents, while at the same time realize his own dreams.
Today, Steven is working for a leading designer in a furniture factory and producing carved furniture. His new and unique designs are what have allowed his company to advance into the international market place. Steven also restores antique wooden objects for museums.
Rebecca, 22, Married with No Children
Rebecca got married but did not want to have children. She came to our Jewish Spiritual Therapist because, in her won word, “As a religious woman, I heard from everyone that having kids is not such a bad idea.”
Here is Rebecca’s story: After having two children, Rebecca’s mother and father divorced. Rebecca continually heard from her mother how children “ruined her life” and “ruined her career.” Her entire childhood, Rebecca also heard how lucky her mother’s sister was because she didn’t have children.
Having grown up with “programming” that having children is the worst thing in the world, Rebecca (as a teenager) thought of becoming a professional dancer, which further reinforced the idea that having children is “the end.”
Therapy focused on changing Rebecca’s subconscious messages, working with her “inner child” and celebrating childhood. In addition, forgiving her mother and accepting that she, Rebecca, could be a good, sensitive mother encouraged Rebecca to want to have children. Rebecca went off contraceptives and is now trying to become pregnant.
Improve Your Marriage and Family Relationships
Barbaba, 32, One Child
Barbara’s husband became wealthy and left her, in his words, “to be free to entertain himself.” Therapy first concentrated on instilling in Barbara the fact that she was a worthy person irregardless of the fact that her husband left her; that she is a soul, and that her husband was making a terrible mistake. She was able to accept all this.
In the second session, Barbara began to some responsibility for what happened. Barbara and her husband used to be very poor. Hence, Barbara was used to living in “survival mode.” Barbara then realized why her husband had left her: Their relationship had been based on surviving through all the hardships together. Now that times weren’t hard, they had no basis for their relationship. Furthermore, Barbara was still acting as if times were hard. This was quite a revelation for Barbara.
Immediately after this second session, Barbara’s husband returned and apologized, saying what he had done was very stupid, and that he realized that Barbara and their child were everything for him. Barbara, on the other hand, felt that she had learned the lesson that was sent to her and was prepared to make changes in her life
Richard, who has a Ph.D., is very pedantic and full of energy. He came for treatments to help restore contact with his son (45 years old) and grandchildren. While trying to understand the situation, it became clear that, in his attempt to help others, Richard would try to force his opinion and vision of the situation upon them. Richard was convinced that if he wouldn’t control a situation, nobody would, and it was for this reason that he forced his “continuous care” on others. Under these circumstances, his son and grandsons were not interested in continuing a relationship with him.
During therapy, our therapist explained to Richard that everyone has a right to choose — and every adult person can choose — what is important for him. Moreover, the Creator controls everything in the world, and nobody should take this function upon himself. Man can contribute by putting in his effort, but afterwards, he can only wait for the result that God decides. After a number of sessions, Richard was able to understand and integrate this information on an intellectual and emotional level. Richard reports that he is now in touch with his son and grandchildren and their relationship is improving.
Katie, 54, Divorced with Two Children
All of her life, Katie felt psychological pressure from her mother, who she blamed for her divorce. Katie reported that, her mother, who was 80 years old, convinced her children (ages 24 and 17) to come live with her by telling them told them that they would be better off living with her than with their mother. Katie complained that she had been unable to build her personal life or get through not only to her mother, but to her children as well.
During therapy, Katie examined the causes of her low self-esteem and dependency on her mother. Katie reported that she rethought her relationship to herself and to her mother. She felt that she now was able to live an independent life as an adult. The changes in Katie made such an impression on her mother and her children that her mother called to talk to her and expressed sorrow for their former relationship and her children moved back in with her.
When Lauren came for therapy, she had been married for nine years but not able to have children. In these years, Lauren had had seven miscarriages and went to many medical specialists, all in vain. After seeing our therapist, she realized that, subconsciously, she did not want to have children. All these years, she had been bearing a grudge against her mother, who also did not want to have children.
During her therapy sessions, Lauren was able to get rid of these feelings as well as the feeling of being a victim. She became pregnant and has given birth to a daughter.
In our therapist’s practice, Lauren is one of many patients who had been unable to have children and was able to overcome a fear and/or some undesirable emotion and give birth to a child.